The Pink Elephant

Yesterday, Dallas received a text from his ex wife reminding him that it would have been nineteen years that they were married. The operative words here are "would have been".

I understand that they have a history and I am sympathetic to the fact that there will be occasions that might make the heart twinge but I found myself wondering how long these types of milestones will continue to be acknowledged. It's like picking at a scab to see what's underneath. The trouble is that she can't get her head around the concept that Dallas is no longer raw and not often sentimental in his reflection of their marriage. He loves and respects her and she can count on him but he's moved on. She doesn't seem to want to accept that and for several months, I was keenly aware that our happiness caused her pain. Nobody feels good about being the source of someone's angst.

When Dallas and I first met, we made a connection right away but after a few weeks, it became clear that his ex was the pink elephant in the room. And it was so strange because as much as we tried to avoid her as the topic, invariably, we would circle back around and find her square in the middle of our discussion.

Once we were seeing each other exclusively, she questioned him as to why he never asked her out on a date. When he told me this, I remember feeling like someone was stealing the breath right out of my chest. I struggled not to shout,

"BECAUSE YOU ARE DIVORCED, THAT'S WHY!!"

Instead, recognizing a situation way beyond my control, I sent him back to her. I figured that if two people with seventeen years under their belt had even a scintilla of a chance at reconciliation, I should remove myself. Well, it turns out that once he was available to her again, she changed her mind. Funny about that. C'mere, c'mere. No! Go 'way. Go 'way. UGH!

And as our relationship has intensified, there have been other little incidents where it appeared she might have been putting the feelers out to gauge his availability. I don't feel anger over this, just a slight exasperation because he's kind and decent and he deserves better treatment than the constant emotional manipulation. Of course, it is a process and two years of divorce doesn't equate to nearly two decades of marriage.

I hope that with time, she will heal enough to move on, too. Until then, I'm going to smile and bite my tongue.