The Lights Are ALWAYS On

In our house, five things are constantly on: the shower, the dishwasher, the dryer, the washer and the parental radar.

Hot water has become a hot commodity. On any given evening immediately after dinner, Dallas and I can be heard bellowing, "Get in the shower!" or "GET OUT of the shower!" or "TURN THAT WATER OFF RIGHT THIS SECOND!!!"

Steph the Magnificent told me that she owns a dishwasher that can be programmed to start in the middle of the night and I almost cried with envy. Our dishwasher is three years old and it wheezes on for nearly two hours at decibels loud enough to scare away the moles digging trenches in the neighbour's back yard. Imagine the efficiency of burning through hot water when we are all sleeping!! Makes me a tad verklempt at the possibilities.

Mornings are hugely busy and I dread them. I hear the alarm go off and I am instantly exhausted in that tired to the marrow of my bones way that is reminiscent of being in the first trimester of pregnancy. My stomach knots with everything that has to be accomplished before I walk out the door. I know that our house is no different than millions of others across the world. How, exactly, did we get so pressed for time?

Dallas and I do laundry almost constantly. Allowing him to stick in a load of washing was a major milestone for me. I am a closet laundry Nazi and up until very recently, I didn't feel that anyone with a penis was capable of sorting a load of darks.

And I was right.

But my future husband is a ROCKSTAR!! Besides putting up with my normal idiosyncratic crazies, he has learned the difference between whites we bleach and whites we don't. He wouldn't dare throw towels in with the normal wash and you should see him fold a fitted sheet. Makes me all tingly. Yeah, like THAT because nothing is sexier than a bed made with fresh, crisp linens that I didn't have to wash.

Finally, Dallas and I have found that with a house full of kids, we have developed bionic ears and ESP. Text message received at 1:30am on the other side of the house? Yeah, we hear that. Candy being unwrapped behind closed bedroom door? Yep, we get that audio loud and clear. Curse word whispered under pre-teen's breath while banging up stairs to collect dirty laundry? He might as well have used a bullhorn.

The clairvoyance was an unexpected development, though. I guess the day that one brings a child into this world, the power exists but it may take years (and parenting a teenager) to really develop the gift. Every parent has it. We just know what they're thinking, which often, is like sticking your face into a toilet bowl. We are accurately able to predict behaviour but how hard is that, really?

Child gets their own way = happy and cooperative.

Child denied = angry, sullen and belligerent.

One thing has become clear with our new domestic arrangement: we need a bigger house, with a pool, a three car garage, wind and solar power, a full time chef, a housekeeper and energy efficient appliances. Oh yes, I almost forgot the tornado shelter. This weekend, I got to witness a funnel cloud develop right before my very eyes as I stood on my driveway and watched. Today, when recalling that picture, I shrugged my shoulders and reflected that it could be worse. I could live in Chengdu, China or Myanmar. What's a low grade twister compared to a 7.8 magnitude quake or a typhoon of biblical proportions in a country with no warning system?