Shut Up and Paddle

Yesterday afternoon, I had a wee epiphany.  I needed more exercise, I thought.  It would cure what ails me.

The trouble is, I can't seem to find a gym that I like that has the equipment AND the vibe necessary to stimulate repeat visits.  I know that this is a total cop out but it's how my mind works.  I really loathe the idea of mandatory exercise and thus, I am able to manufacture very elaborate excuses as to why my big, fat, arse is, well, BIG & FAT!

Together, Dallas and I have done the cost/benefit analysis of owning our own treadmill.  On the plus side: convenience and privacy, which is enormously important when one considers the freak show that is my chest in motion.  On the negative side: cost, maintenance, where the hell would we put the damn thing and the fact that my husband is already fond of using most furniture as his own personal clothing rack.

So, what's a girl to do?

Yesterday, I was going through my closet and found a long sleeved shirt from the San Diego Outrigger Canoe Club circa 1995.  Before children, peri-menopause and absurd cup sizes, I'd casually paddled for an outrigger canoe club in San Diego.  I loved it.  It was great exercise and got me out on the water, which is my most favourite place on earth. I wasn't a natural, though, as my upper body strength was lacking.  Eventually, probably because of poor form, I developed bursitis in my right shoulder, which made distance races particularly demanding.  Around the same time, I met the father of my children and unfortunately, I retired my paddle.

Tonight, I will attend a training session, in the dark, in 11 degree Celsius temps with one of the clubs local to me.  It's the first time in 17 years that I'll have a paddle back in my hands.

I'm all atingle with excitement.....and naked fear.

Keep you posted.

Hana ka hoe, pa'a ka waha
(Hawai'ian, not Maori but close cousins)

School Camp ROCKS

So much to talk about, so little time.

No, really.

I cannot seem to dislodge my head from my arse.  I am ridiculously busy with work these days.  I just don't understand why every now and again, things can't run just a bit more smoothly in my line of work.  Why does everything have to be a mini crisis?

The stress of it all makes my bed call to me like a siren in the middle of the afternoon with all it's warm Egyptian cotton and down filled goodness....

I digress.

I'm freezing, which doesn't help to quell the allure of my electric blanketed bed.  We are firmly in New Zealand's autumn which is a lot like dealing with a crazy person.  One minute the temperatures are up and the next, they are way down.  It can pour with rain, blast wind in a million directions and a present a blinding sun, all in a single afternoon. There is an art to layering clothing here.  I've learned all about thin, soft, merino wool undergarments, polyprop shirts and serious rain gear.  I am the proud owner of a pair of fire engine red gum boots.

Last week, I accompanied Olivia to her school camp southwest of Auckland in a town called Raglan.  Up to that point, the weather had been GORGEOUS.  We'd had five or six weeks with warm, sunny days.  People were so polite and considerate because that is what good weather does to the psyche.  Only once or twice did I feel the urge to drive into the back of the cars parked on the side of the road (topic for another post).  We were all basking in that fall wonderfulness until the morning that we left for camp. Then, the sky turned the colour of a bruise and for the entire length of time that we were at the camp, it rained, with brief intermittent moments of sun.

If we had been in America, the teachers would have had to scramble to move the activities inside.  Here in New Zealand, if you let the weather dictate your plans, you'd never get anything done.  Kiwi kids are a remarkably resilient, uncomplaining bunch.  There were twelve groups of 11 or 12 kids who cycled through 12 rotations of activities ranging from archery, a confidence course, low ropes and volleyball to a BMX bike ride, orienteering and the "flying fox". All of this was done outside.  A partner and I ran the "raft building" exercise whereby the kids were given long bamboo poles, 20kg plastic drums and ropes out of which they were to fashion a raft and float it across an outdoor, unheated, pool.  The weather ranged in temperature from 45 degrees F to 60 degrees F.  I dressed like this:

I wore gumboots from the time I rose in the morning until I climbed into my bunk at night.  I kicked myself for not remembering to bring gloves.

The reason that I tell you this is because most of the kids who came through our raft rotation, elected to strip down to their bathing suits, hop aboard their floating creations and try to get from one end of the pool to the other.  While I sipped hot tea from a Tim Horton's mug, they fell into the water, screeched, laughed and hopped back up. When the girls in my cabin filed in after their outdoor activity-filled days, covered in mud and soaked through, they stripped off their clothes, shoved them into plastic bags and got into hot showers.  There were very few complaints.  I was so impressed.  I couldn't wear enough layers and I watched from the cocoon of my sleeping blanket as the children got up at the ass crack of dawn and ran out the door to the gym to exercise in their jammies and slippers.  School camp in New Zealand is character building.  I loved it and hated it at the same time but one thing is for sure: I'm awfully grateful that my kids got to experience it.

Next year, Dylan doesn't have a camp, which really makes me sad.  and Liv's year seven trip is this great adventure on the Hauraki Gulf Island of Motutapu.

I fervently hope that I'm one of the parents that gets picked to go.

FDA Woes, Again

The FDA has held a container full of product of mine hostage since February 14th.  Ostensibly, this unreasonable delay was imposed so that they would have the time necessary to test the hell out of some pet products that I import.

It is a study in bureaucratic inefficiency and disregard for the small businessperson.

I understand completely, the need to keep our pet population safe and with the rash of problems associated with product from Asia, I can rationalize the reason behind the comprehensive testing.  What I don't understand is why it takes more 69 days and counting, to render some sort of decision.  It's absurd.  The testing will have been completed two weeks ago this Wednesday but the "paperwork" has not yet made it to FDA headquarters for review.  Really?  How are the documents getting there? Even by horse and buggy, they should have arrived a week ago.

My company tests the heck out of all of our raw materials and finished products before they ever get on a container using a unbiased, accredited, third party organization.  We make that documentation readily available for government review.  I'm keenly aware of my responsibilities as a manufacturer and as a human being, the welfare of the animals will always come before profit. Always.

So, it galls me to have recently read an article where the FDA finally admits to knowing that poultry in America is tainted with arsenic and that they will continue to allow the meat to be sold to consumers because the carcinogen is considered present at "safe" levels.  Hysterical.

I have scads of independent laboratory results which testify to the safety of my product.  Our ingredients list is deliberately short and clean.  With nearly a million units sold, not a single animal has ever been sickened by a product I've manufactured.  The chicken industry is rampant with violations of standards.  Ethically, it is a train wreck.  Many, many, people have been hurt by meat contaminated with salmonella, eColi, antibiotics, growth hormones and a whole host of other things, directly attributable to the way the birds are handled and fed.

And the FDA thinks that arsenic-laced product is safe, while my item, with its clean ingredients statement, rigid adherence to exemplary manufacturing practices and certified lab results, sits in a warehouse collecting dust, waiting for some bureaucrat to give the green light.

When speaking to my compliance officers about what, as a manufacturer, I needed to do to mitigate the possibility of this ever happening again, I got the telephonic equivalent of a shrug and an "I dunno".

Great. Helpful.

It's frustrating being a small company with no influence.

Affordable Care Act

As the Supreme Court of the Unites States of America finishes hearing the arguments on both sides of the healthcare debate today, I couldn't help but wonder how everything will turn out in a few days.

It is interesting to note that the decision seems to be a partisan one. The conservative justices are expected to vote against the measure requiring that every American purchase insurance and we anticipate that the liberal judges will vote to uphold the law. With the SCOTUS now being a more conservative bench, we can expect that the law will be overturned and that good healthcare will once again be reserved for the affluent, only.

What a shame.

It's nonsense, really. The United States is the only wealthy, industrialized nation in the world that does not ensure that all of her citizens have medical coverage. Nobody claims that the systems employed in other industrialized countries are perfect but bottom line, they take care of their population. Personally, I believe that healthcare should be a non-profit industry. There is something hugely repugnant about a doctor having to make a decision between the shareholder and the health of his/her patient because fundamentally, these two entities are on opposing sides.

With all of the chatter from the uninformed, inflammatory, wing nuts who employ fear tactics and beak on about the fucking constitution, it must be really hard for the average citizen to truly understand what is at stake. The Democrats, who crafted the current legislation, were pathetic, tragically so, in disseminating the information to the public. The truth is, without some measure of socialized medicine, the healthcare costs in the US will continue to rise without constraint. The insurance companies are in the game to MAKE MONEY and if you and your family look like you might actually have to USE the medical benefits for which you pay heaps on a monthly basis, you erode the profit of the insurance company and thus, at the next renewal, your rates will increase. Then, perhaps one year, you won't be able to afford insurance because, let's face it, you've got to eat and keep a roof over your head so when you've got that itchy, weird looking mole, you don't see a doctor. No, you stop scratching and forget about it because frankly, you can't afford to see a GP, let alone fund the cost of seeing a specialist like a dermatologist. You go on like this for months until one day, something is really, really wrong and all of your symptoms point to advanced stage melanoma.

Then, the fun really begins.

Then, you get admitted to hospital for surgery, chemo and radiation therapy to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars and if you are lucky enough to survive, you file for bankruptcy and allow your home to be foreclosed because you are drowning in medical bills. And, now that you've had cancer, you have a pre-existing condition and good luck getting affordable medical insurance.

Those unpaid medical bills become the burden of the insurance company, hospital, doctors and every ancillary business associated with the industry. They erode the profit and thus, to meet the demands of Wall Street, the cost of services must necessarily increase to cover the shortfall. The next time that you require substantial medical care, which everyone likely will at some point, what are the odds that you will be able to pay THOSE bills?

Imagine what the scenario might look like should universal healthcare be made available for basic services like immunizations, well woman, well man annual visits and their associated lab tests. How many diabetics would we catch before they crush the system? How many irregular moles could be zapped before they metastasize and become so much more expensive to treat? If you are fortunate enough to enjoy insurance through your employer, have a look at the medical plan offered by your company. Your annual check up is likely free or relatively inexpensive, right? Yes, that's because it is a statistics game. On the whole, PREVENTATIVE medicine saves money. The insurance companies are not dummies.

So, what is the problem with mandating that everyone has to purchase insurance? In most states, you have to purchase auto insurance or post a financial bond in lieu of insurance, if you want to drive. It's the same with the medical insurance mandate. Everyone has to have some minimum level which increases the revenue and spreads the costs. Seems like simple economics. It has already been demonstrated to work in Massachusetts. Either way, the average Joe will pay. The pool has to increase to aid in maintaining margins or Joe finds himself with higher premiums. Unpaid medical bills of the uninsured lead to higher premiums for everyone else. Sicker people, who don't see a doctor until the situation is dire, require more care at greater cost. Premiums increase.

While America won't even consider universal healthcare at this point, they should. Socialized medicine works. Take the shareholder out of the picture and everything changes. You ask any citizen of any Westernized country besides the US how they feel about co-insurance, co-pays, deductibles, pre-authorizations, etc and they won't have a clue what you're talking about. Ask them how they feel about their's country's medical care and their access to it and you would be hard pressed to find any one who would trade their medical system for the one we have in the US.

The country is desperate for health care reform and while the current law is not perfect, it is at the very least, a meaningful beginning that does not violate the constitution. I hope Justice Kennedy thinks so, too.

To Yield or Not To Yield

Last month, I was out running errands when "the incident" happened.

Driving here has been a challenge. Getting used to the steering wheel being located on the right side of the car, navigating the roundabouts and cruising on the left hand side of the road has caused my heart to hammer in my chest on more than one occasion. I've often wondered if the transition would have been easier had we chosen to bring our Pilot with us. I was comfortable in that vehicle. I knew how to park the thing, too. Did I mention that I have absolutely no depth perception now that I have to approach everything from the opposite side?

Anyhoo..

So, I head out one morning to the local grocery store and put my signal on to turn left into the parking lot. At the same time, a car is approaching from the other direction with their right turn signal on. I make the turn and hear the blare of the other car's horn which startled the shit out of me. All of the sudden, I'm chewing on my heart, my fingers are tingling and I'm frantically checking my lane to ensure I am sitting on the correct side of the road. And then it dawns on me. I was supposed to have yielded to the car that was crossing traffic, to make the right hand turn. It's one of those quirky Kiwi laws that was put into place years ago to help mitigate traffic flow when all of the roads were just single lane.

So, I quickly park, which was a freak show unto itself, hop out of the car and walk towards the other car, which by this time, had found a parking spot a mere four spots away from my own. Its occupants were just disembarking.

"I am so sorry," I said, "That road rule is the one that I can't seem to remember. I apologize."

The lady (and driver of the car), appeared to be in her late fifties, well-groomed and clearly unhappy as evidenced by the squint of her eyes and the contempt that twisted her mouth into a sneer.

"YOU FUCKING FOREIGNERS," she spat. Her passenger, a man I presumed to be her husband, turned abruptly and fled into the grocery store.

I wish I was kidding.

I felt like she had kicked me in the gut. Her response was so unexpected that my throat tightened and tears threatened. New Zealand just doesn't have mean people. I was absolutely gobsmacked.

Then, I got angry.

I am keenly aware that as soon as I open my mouth, people will know that I'm an import and thus, I am usually pretty careful to be sure that I am representing my own country properly. That day, I didn't manage very well.

"Are you usually this aggressive," I asked, "Or are you just saving all of your love for me?"

Lame, right? Magnificently so.

As the day wore on, I thought up much better retorts but I never quite got over her venom. It was so....personal.

The irony of the whole situation is that this past Sunday, that antiquated yield law was abolished. I thought about that lady and wondered how she was adjusting to the change.

You know, I bet she thought about me once or twice, too.