DAY FIVE

Pounds lost: 1

Total pounds lost: 6.2


I woke up at the ass crack of dawn this morning after a later bedtime than usual and I feel GREAT.

I have known for several years now, that food can be either medicinal in nature or poisonous. Too often, I have been guilty of indulging to excess, my love of caffeine, alcohol, processed carbohydrates and a ravenous sweet tooth. I somehow thought that by kicking cigarettes four years, two months, 5 days and fifteen hours ago, I had made a huge health leap and didn't really have to pay that much attention to what went into my mouth because, by God, I wasn't going to die of lung cancer.

And then came the weight gain, the gluten intolerance, the near constant issues with dysplasia, the fatigue, the aches and pains, the foggy head, the insomnia, the panic attacks and the hallmarks of future disease in my blood work results.

I am forty four years old. By today's standards, I am young. I am not interested in living the next forty years or so in a sick and diseased body. I don't text and drive. I buy organic. I wear my seatbelt. I don't skydive, bungee jump or run with the bulls in Pamplona. I floss.

So why has it taken me so long to understand that consuming Frankenfood, with its artificial colors, its preservatives, its nitrates and its massive sugar content, is just as careless a behaviour as jumping off a bridge?

I like the way I feel today. I'd like to feel the same way tomorrow and the day after.

You know, my mother has been harping on me for the better part of two years to consume green smoothies and eat more raw food. She sent me books. It's the only negative in a sea of excellent....the fact that I am going to have to ring her up and tell her she was right.

AGAIN.

DAY FOUR

Pounds lost: 3.2 ounces

Total pounds lost: 5.2

I woke up today and it was like the veil had lifted. The brain is functioning at 100%, which is such a relief. I feel sharp and alert. My energy level is right up there. I cannot believe that I haven't had a coffee, diet coke, cheese or chocolate since Sunday.

There is one weird thing, though. My hips are aching like they did when I carried my children. It's nothing that a few Advil won't cure but I'm just curious as to the cause since I know FOR SURE that I'm not pregnant.

Other than that, I am feeling so good that I am even contemplating going back to the gym and getting on the treadmill for twenty minutes of sprints. The kids and I are doing science experiments this afternoon which involve collecting water from a nearby pond. This means that we have to go outside and walk. It's blistering hot. Miserable.

And I can't wait.

There is something to be said for eating your veggies.

DAY THREE

Pounds lost: 2
Total pounds lost: 5

Things are better today. I still woke up with a headache that requires medication but it feels like the film that has covered my brain is starting to lift. I have more energy and I can bear the thought of my workload without wanting to run for the Xanax bottle.

I am still quite bitchy, though, which probably has nothing to do with the reboot and everything to do with my personality.

We still have not had a repairman to the house to fix the air conditioner and I feel like this is unacceptable. I understand that we are experiencing unprecedented temperatures and have been for nearly three weeks. I understand that the repairmen in the area are busy but if it were my tenants, they wouldn't have waited a day, let alone three. Just to be sure I wasn't being unreasonable (finding myself having to check that more often lately), I made two calls to two different repair places that I found in the telephone book. Both said they could have someone out today. So now, my dilemma is how to handle the situation like a rational person and not like the lunatic that I harbor inside just under the facade of good manners. My husband has taught through example, that the better choice is always to be reasonable and accommodating. The cerebral side knows that this is the right path, however, the emotional, angry, we-are-paying-a-ridiculous-amount-of-rent, side is fighting for self control.

I should probably go have a green juice and think about it.

DAY TWO

Pounds lost: 3
(water weight from all the gin I drank this weekend but I'll take it because the beaches of Hawaii are looming and my fat, dimpled ass is...well...FAT AND DIMPLED)

I've had a headache since about 11:00am yesterday that needs medication every 4-6 hours.

Caffeine withdrawal.

I am bitchy.

I just want to crawl in bed and read except that now, I have to wear glasses, which pisses me off to no end. You cannot read with glasses on whilst laying on your side.

The food does taste good, which has been a revelation for me since I'm not really a vegetable girl but I also have to admit that I have fantasized about dark chocolate about five hundred and sixty two times today.

Obviously, I haven't gotten a lot done on the work side of things.

I am having trouble concentrating because I'd really like to just go have a nap. Did I already mention that?

Oh, and the upstairs air conditioner quit working. It's a million degrees outside.

Is this day over yet?

DAY ONE OF REBOOT

It is my third wedding anniversary today and I am happy to say that my husband is still the best thing that has ever happened to me and my children. Since it is our third year together, tradition holds that we exchange gifts of a leather theme and yep, RIGHT THERE, I saw your mind forming a punch line. Dallas did some research and learned that a more modern celebration of one's third anniversary included an official gem. Hence, I woke up this morning to find these.

I love them and I never would have bought them for myself, which makes them that much more special.

What did I get for him?

Well, nothing yet because I am a) a procrastinator of exceptional calibre and b) my head is so damn foggy from lack of caffeine that I am considering just waltzing my arse back to bed instead of finding just the right card and gift for the love of my life. I am aware of how badly I suck but on this vegetarian juicy juice reboot extravaganza, I just can't bring myself to care.

I had no idea how important my morning coffees were until today.

This replaced my morning Joe.


Kale, celery, a few apples, spinach and ginger. It had a bit of a woodsy taste, which took some getting used to but it tasted pretty good.

And let me tell you, it takes an astonishing number of carrots to extract the three cups of juice I needed for a raw soup we ate for lunch.

I know it is only day one and on the whole, it really isn't that awful but at this point, I think I could be persuaded to sell one of my children for a Starbuck's.