Tough Love

Where there is love, there is pain
-Spanish Proverb


Amidst all of the anticipation and joy surrounding our wedding, Dallas and I have been dealing with the closure of his past life. Even though he had been separated for three years and divorced for nearly two, Dallas and his ex- wife hadn’t figured out their relationship as non married people. She was still financially dependent and he still felt responsible for her emotional and economic well being. It has been a difficult process rife with anger, hurt feelings and a pervasive sense of injustice. Of course, that has really only been my perception of the whole thing and perhaps, the reality is something different.

For months now, we've been the sole financial support for two households in an effort to do the right thing by the mother of his children but in hindsight, it has been like handing a crack pipe to a junkie. The more we help, the less inclined she is to help herself.

I almost could have turned a blind eye and still made the argument for continued economic outpatient care because it is clear that this woman is struggling with life’s basics but then we inadvertently got an inside glimpse of the dialogue that was occurring between her and their children. And apparently her opinion, (which she generously shares with the kids) is that Dallas is a poor, spiritually inferior, father who is selfish, unfair and an emotional bully. Of course, none of these things are true but the mere fact that she felt a need to disparage him to their children was its own sad epiphany. The realization dawned that as long as we continued ambling down the path of least resistance, we could expect more of the same, which wasn’t helping anyone.

Each day, there seems to be yet another new crisis and it’s been horribly difficult not to step in and fix everything. Dallas and I do not like conflict. Who does, right? The fact is, we have such an aversion to confrontation that we will often throw money at a situation rather than address the issues head on. Unfortunately, that strategy stopped working a while ago and we just refused to face it. So now, we have taken the necessary steps to force a change, which has resulted in us being incredibly emotionally unsettled.

Tough love is no fun.