Birth of a Handyman

Gosh, where to start?

My husband is officially unemployed, which at first, cause my left eye to twitch uncontrollably but as the idea grew on me, I couldn't help pondering all of the possibilities associated with his status change.

It's HONEY-DO LIST time! Wheee.

So, yes, where do we start?

Hmmm...

I think that the front yard would be an excellent first place. Our flower bed has become a safe harbour for every variety of grass, weed and otherwise undesirable plant known to mankind. I have two gorgeous urn planters rotting in our garage that are just CRYING to be put outside and filled with a delightful mix of seasonal blooms. The expanse of the front lawn could use a tree and not necessarily because we need the shade but more because we are desperate for some green ornamentation to detract from the jail-like, cheap, quality of our exterior. Speaking of cheap, we could really use a new mailbox because that plastic job that we currently have, that leans like a disabled ship, is a bloody eyesore. Of course, it could be worse. It could look like this:


(This letterbox, designed by the famous Fred Flintstone, graces the property of my in-laws. It was a gift from one of the nicest men I've ever met.)

Anyway, back to that list.

In the backyard, my experiment at organic gardening has gone horribly awry. The rabbits ate all of the lettuce; the peppers didn't grow; the cucumber plants grew like weeds ALL OVER THE GARDEN and they flowered but so far, we've only had a lone, runt cucumber. The yellow beans have also prospered but are devoured by a famished bug that is shaped like a stealth bomber before we have a chance to get them off the vine. The one bright spot is the melon plant, which resembles the cucumber in both appearance and reach. It's massive and growing completely out of control. There are, however, four gorgeous melons flourishing under my tender loving neglect, their presence of which has led my children to believe that I am some sort of agricultural deity. Dallas needs to get in there an use his farming skills to prune back the jungle that has become the southwest corner of our yard, if for no other reason than to help me maintain the goddess illusion.

And the compost needs turning. Kumba ya mate.

And we could really use a pool. It's unbearably hot these days.

Inside the house, the projects are just too numerous to detail here. All I can say is that I believe a skill saw is in my husband's immediate future.