The List

Three years ago today, I had agreed to meet Dallas for "coffee and a chat". You know how it is when you reflect upon certain events in your life and you can pick out the few that were life changers? My first date with Dallas was one of those. You can read about that here.

I'm so glad that I wrote about that evening because three years later, I have a hard time remembering that I had a life before Dallas. Sometimes, I am afraid to go to sleep for fear that I will wake in the morning and have it all have been just a gorgeous dream.

One night, during my college years, a group of friends and I were sitting around drinking beer and listening to one girl lament the antics of her boyfriend who was more interested in bad boy frat events than their relationship. After several coolies, we decided that we each should write down those characteristics that we desired in a mate and commit to not settling for anything less. We would take control of our romantic destinies, goshdarnit! No more losers!
Yes, well, it was a great idea and one that I wish I had adopted as a personal philosophy but alas, it wasn't until I turned forty that I pulled out that list again and made some serious revisions. I'm not kidding. I wrote this stuff down and kept it. My top 5 traits (of 26) are listed below.

1. Kind To watch my husband wrap his arms around my daughter and give her a cuddle before bedtime and to see her entire body relax in the safety of his embrace is more important to me than words can describe. My son will emulate him and my daughter will hold up every boy she dates to the example that he has set. He is a magnificent father.

2. Emotionally intelligent Dallas is careful with the feelings of other people. Period. He thinks before he speaks and he takes responsibility for his behaviour and that's why he hasn't got an enemy on the planet. Even when I am at my hormonal nuttiest, it is more important for him to love than to engage in the crazy. He doesn't feel it necessary to be recognized as being right, even when he is. He's quietly mature and I find that irresistibly sexy.

3. Smart Intelligence is hard to define but by my standards, it's a combination of knowledge, experience and creative, original thought. My husband is a cerebral man unencumbered by pretense or posturing. He's a guy's guy who is equally comfortable underneath the hood of a car as he is in the boardroom. He reads and his retention of information is mind blowing, particularly as it relates to people. Dallas may not be in possession of a bachelor's degree but in any situation needing a great brain, I'd be queuing up behind him before anyone else.

4. Happy This might seem like an odd thing to have on my list but it was important to me that the fundamentals for personal contentment were a part of my future mate's makeup. I wasn't looking for a project. I wanted a partner; someone with whom to share my life. Four years after my divorce, I made a conscious decision to choose happiness because frankly, sad and angry people are in constant turmoil. My husband is a walking bundle of optimism. He has taught himself that real, enduring, joy is found in the mundane bits of life like a good glass of wine or the feel of clean sheets. He understands, without question, that to focus on what is right enables us to repair what is wrong. He is enlightened and empowered. He is happy.

The final characteristic in my top five was "filthy rich", which just goes to show you that there needs to be some flexibility in those lists! I still carry mine with me wherever I go and every now and then, I'll pull it out, review it and be awestruck all over again that I get to be Dallas's wife.

Three years ago today, we met.

Two years ago today, on a sweltering Friday night, we married. That was the day that my life, the one I was always destined to live, began.

Happy Anniversary, baby.

(.)