Change

It's coming. I can feel it. Dallas senses it and both of us know that a shift of some sort is imminent.

For me, clarity arrived while I was in Canada. Although I was happy to be home with my family, it was a bittersweet experience because Dallas wasn't with us. Frankly, I was surprised at how difficult it was to be apart from him. I know that it was only a week and I can hear you gagging from here but I was startled to find that my brain had firmly shed the serial dater attitude and shrugged on commitment like a comfortable, old sweater. But the peripheral details of our relationship continue to peck at my type A personality.

We both have children. Two of mine are quite young, which is great, because they're a bit like playdoh in their ability to mold themselves to any situation. They love Dallas and have since meeting him last summer. However, their youth also means that there are still YEARS left of raising them, which is a privilege, but in direct contrast to Dallas's world. His kids are in high school. They already have one foot into their adult lives. He'll never stop being their dad but the day is rapidly coming when his wishes will be mere suggestions and not the law. If he stuck out his tongue today, I bet he could taste the freedom that comes with an empty nest. My hope is that he doesn't make like Forrest Gump and run at the prospect of living through hell the teenage years of two more children.

His relationship with his ex-wife is one of the things that I admire most about Dallas. There is respect, love and genuine concern for the mother of his children. However, there are also complex emotional layers that sometimes throw me off balance. On weak days, I can feel twinges of insecurity. The rest of the time, I am comfortable with the knowledge that we are really, really happy.

I occasionally have a tough time trying to map out how it is that we will get from our here and now to where we envision our future to be. Dallas likes lists. He is one of the few men on the planet who is capable of a successful grocery shop. He is meticulous and although I can hear the wheels turning in his head, I am not entirely enlightened as to what his vision of the plan is. Like Dallas, I am comfortable when the road is clearly lit but I am equally content just knowing that there is a destination. I have respect for the blueprint but I like to write in the margins, too.

Yes, a shift is coming and it's all good even if can't quite put my finger on what it is exactly. I have faith, though, that Dallas and I will one day sit on our porch, in a couple of Adirondack chairs, looking at the cows out in our pasture and reminisce about the year 2008 and how everything changed.