The Sigh of Relief

I've just landed in Taipei and the full realization of how my life has changed hit me while I was waiting to go through security.

My FIANCE is at home caring for my children.

Now, let's all ponder that for a minute. Their father, which one might think would be the logical choice for guardian while I'm out of the country, is quite content to let another man look after his children. It's just all kinds of absurd but I'm grateful. I know the children will be well loved and I am pretty sure that they will see a toothbrush and a bathtub in my absence.

On the other hand, I'm not doing so well. I miss him. I was sort of convinced that being separated from Dallas wouldn't bother me as much as it did at Christmastime. After all, we have lived together and gotten fairly comfortable in our routine as a couple. I'm not saying the bloom of a new relationship has faded or anything but we have settled into that familiar, secure zone. In light of this, I believed that we would pass this week with more practical sensibilities and less of the mushy gushy stuff.

Dead wrong. As I landed this morning, I defied the flight attendants and turned my phone on. Immediately, several text messages from Dallas came through and all of them mirrored my own feelings. He didn't sleep well (ditto) and woke up in the morning with the feeling like something just wasn't right.

Me too. So, I wallowed in that for a bit and then got to the other side. This is it. I mean, it's the real deal. We've been saying it for months now and I'm sure I believed it but I'm still nicely surprised to find myself in a relationship with a man that I actually WANT to marry. Go figure. I guess for the last several months, I've been unconsciously waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it has, on multiple occasions for both of us. And we're still here...sending love notes to each other on a daily basis.

If I ever put Dallas on a pedestal, he purposely dove off it. The thing is, he should be there and not in that "he can do no wrong" way. He belongs there because he puts up with me and he disagrees with me in the kindest way and he looks at me like nobody else on the planet exists for him.

I put him up there because I want to be reminded every day that I must make the effort to be especially considerate and kind to this man who loves me unconditionally.