Eewwww: It's a Teenage Daughter!

Teenage daughters.

There is just nothing nice to say about them. They suck.

First, you've got the chronic hormonal thing going on which is like experiencing PMS every day that you live and breathe. One minute they can be syrupy sweet and seemingly vulnerable purring manipulative language like, "I don't feel good, Daddy" and the next minute they are sending text messages with foul language, foul attitude and thinly veiled threats.

Next, you've got the chronic hormonal thing which has them sashaying off to Shagville without contraception, convinced that unwanted pregnancies only happen to OTHER people. When told she won't remember this boy's name in ten years, teenage daughter whips her head around and declares, "I LOVE him!"

"Yes, of course you do," we say out loud but inside we think, "I loved your father, too.. right up until the moment I wanted to snuff him out as he lay snoring".

There are battles over curfew and homework and part time jobs and school attendance and bedrooms that look like war zones. You argue over clothing choice (me: apparent dinosaur, you: apparent hooker), hair colour, piercings, tattoos, cell phone overages and of course, money as in,

Parent: "How do you expect to pay for that?"

Daughter: "Do I have to pay for EVERYTHING?"

Parent: "You do not pay for your food, your shelter and most of your clothing."

Daughter: "(insert random friend's name here)'s mother is paying for hers."

Parent: "I don't care. I'm not (random friend)'s mother/father."

Daughter: "This is SO not FAIR!"

The point is that teenage daughters are awful. They are demanding and selfish with a wildly interpretive approach to the truth. They learn early on that Dad can be manipulated with a few crocodile tears, a pouty bottom lip and a hug or two. They are experts in deflecting unwanted attention by facilitating tension between the parental units. They know that to divide is to conquer.

I admit that I was not a model teenager. I made poor decisions and lots of them. My mother did that whole scary curse thing when she prophesied, "One day you will have a child just like yourself."

Um, yes. In bloody spades.

I've seen one through her teenage years (she turns 20 this Friday) and have recently witnessed the adolescent throes of another. God help me when it's Olivia's turn. Wasn't it Hamlet who said, "Get thee to a nunnery." Yeah, I like that idea. Lock them up the first time that the hormone monster rears it's ugly head and let the sisters beat them into submission.