I Give Up

The white flag is raised. I surrender.

I have reached the absolute end of my capacity for turmoil and conflict. I am a generous person by nature and mostly reasonable but as the last vestiges of my self control slip away, I am desperate for a change in the winds.

I'm sure that there is a lot in my environment for which to be grateful but these days I can't seem to reorient my focus to what is good. Instead, my view is clouded with ex spouses, ignorant behaviour, an empty rental house, loose strings, incomplete business deals and anxiety that fills my belly with acid. Any one of these things on its own is perfectly manageable but the culmination of events has triggered an involuntary flight response.

I have always been someone who could creatively problem solve. Often, after mulling over something particularly troublesome, I have awakened in the morning with a viable answer. No such luck these days.

The cerebral self understands that most of the current turmoil is temporary and will resolve itself with time. The emotional, less rational self is thinking that a sleeping bag on a Hawaiian beach is looking pretty good right now.