Asia, Here I Come

Next week, I leave on a marathon business trip that will take me to Hong Kong, mainland China, Thailand and Vietnam. I loathe these trips for several reasons but number one is the stress of leaving my family for this period of time.

My husband tells me not to worry and that he's got everything covered but I do fret. My children are generally pretty well-behaved but they are kids and they most definitely have their moments. Hopefully, with the benefit of Skype, I can threaten to beat them from 12,000 miles away and still appear credible.

Sleep will become elusive and my bowels are likely to slow to a snail's pace. Every morsel of food that I put in my mouth will be saved and tightly packed away. Consequently, by day three or four, I will be forced to go to the local pharmacy and try to explain through inadequate Chinese and indecipherable hand signals that I need a laxative. This is a big deal because in China, factory toilets are holes in the ground and you have to bring your own paper. Hot running water is nowhere to be found and if you do find some soap, it is a bar that has been lathered up by several hands before yours. Several years ago, a designer friend and I were traveling from Hong Kong to Macau when she was hit with a stomach bug forcing her to get to know all of the local lavatories along the way. Once we got back to our hotel in Hong Kong, she balled up her slacks and threw them away. She didn't speak about it but you have to agree that if a girl tosses her $500 Stella McCartney trousers, it had to have been REALLY BAD. Managing bowels prodded by a laxative while traveling in China is right up there with trying to make friends with your newly irrational teenager. You can do your best and take all the necessary precautions but at the end of the day it's still likely that shit will hit the fan.

Finally, there is the problem with my mobile. I'm not sure how I am going to cope without my iPhone. The cost of operating it overseas is enormous and thus, I will be forced to turn it off. As in OFF.

Which is a giant issue because I'm dependent upon it for everything from social networking to getting the news and weather. They have weather in Asia. And news. And Twitter. Sadly, a good chunk of my life is managed on my phone and the thought of being without it makes me twitch. Maybe we could take out a second mortgage to pay the bill. Hmmm...

The tail end of the trip will find me in Vegas. I have to work yet another trade show but I'm not the least bit bothered by this because my husband is joining me and seeing him after 18 days away will be the best part about the entire journey.

That and our front row seats to Mystère.