Resolutions Remix

New Year's Eve.

A time of thoughtful recollection and purposeful planning.

Whatever.

For us, 2009 was a mixed bag of tricks and we are looking forward to putting it behind us. Tonight, Dallas and I will join the geriatric crowd for dinner at 4:30pm at one of our favourite restaurants. Then, we will head out to see an early show so that we can be home before all of the crazies hit the streets. Really, what could be more frightening than New Year's Eve and a FULL MOON? I bet the emergency rooms will be busy tonight.

The other side of a traditional New Year's Eve is to assess one's life and commit to certain goals.

Resolutions are worthless.

I know this but I'm slightly superstitious and I feel like something bad will happen if I don't make the bloody list. So here goes:

LOSE WEIGHT
Blah de blah, stereotype, blah, broken record, blah. I'm not sure why I put this at the top of the list every year because clearly, it doesn't seem to matter. The only good thing that I have to say about it is that I'm not going to be one of those fair weather gym rats who slinks into the gym in January with brand new tennies and a firm resolve only to find himself couch-bound by February 1st. I'm already a regular attendee. They know my name. Droplets of my DNA are ground into the carpet. There are machines of torture that have the imprint of my ample ass firmly embedded in their seats. Nonetheless, by the end of the year, I am going to be at least 30 pounds lighter. Two pounds a month. I think that is a reasonable goal. I'd like to say that I was focused on being fit, no matter how much I weigh, but that is just a giant lie. If I can't fit into my skinny jeans, it doesn't matter that I can run a marathon because NOBODY CAN SEE MY CELLULITE-FREE HEART! This will be the year I make friends with my bathroom scale.

BEGIN MY NOVEL
Even the mere act of putting that in print makes the hair on the nape of my neck stand straight up. But I want this. There is a book inside me. Maybe several. I'm not even going to preface that with the usual self deprecating stuff, either. Sure, I may end up writing a novel that nobody reads but I think that is infinitely better than letting the story stay up in my head and fester like an infected hang nail. By the end of the year, I will have written at least six chapters. This is my promise to myself.

DITCH THE BITCH
I read this guy every day and he decided that this coming year, he would try to be less of an arse. That got me to thinking. I can be a real piece of work. Besides the perimenopausal nonsense, there is a segment of my personality that is impatient, unyielding, judgmental and negative. I don't like that person very much. So in 2010, I'm going to make an effort to change. I vow to be nice in spite of the fact that the mere thought makes me vomit a little in my mouth.

GOLF LIKE I MEAN IT
For some reason, I didn't golf this past year at all. I'm not even sure I took my driver out to hit a bucket of balls at the driving range. And I LOVE golf. There is nothing in the world that compares to the feeling I get when I hit a perfect shot. Granted, that doesn't happen all that often but when it does...well, let's just say that my vision of heaven includes fairways and greens.

RECEIPT JUNKIE NO MORE
This is another one of those things that I have on my list every year. I have ten junk drawers, one beat up file cabinet that no longer locks, four disorganized office desk drawers, a cardboard box full of receipts and a giant Rubbermaid bin teeming with paperwork that I haven't looked at in nearly a decade. This is the year that I shall declutter. I am so not kidding. First order of the day is to acquire a new, locking file cabinet. The second task is to switch all bills to electronic so as to eliminate the need for junk drawers. The third and final note is to clear the file pile at least once a week. I WILL BE A RECEIPT PRISONER NO MORE! Amen.

That's it for now because the reality is that I could write a resolution list a mile long. I am an imperfect woman. So, I will end this year with these last few thoughts.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for being the diary that talks me off the ledge back. I hope that the New Year 2010 brings you health, prosperity and unadulterated joy.