People in my neighbourhood have begun hanging their Christmas lights. Five or six of them that are completely done. For Pete's sake, it's not even Thanksgiving yet. What are they thinking? Don't they know that behaviour like that causes the rest of us non-motivated homeowners to develop nervous tics that are rooted in feelings of inadequacy? That's what normal people do when they are in the presence of annoying over achievers. I get that same feeling every time a working mother tells me about how she cooked an elaborate dinner, while ironing her husband's shirts and hanging curtains in her child's bedroom. I'm just happy to get the canned spaghetti opened without requiring a trip to the hospital.
So, when I received a gorgeous full colour brochure announcing this new community service:
PROFESSIONAL CHRISTMAS HOUSE DECORATION
I nearly fainted with relief. And the pictures of their work are beautiful. The houses they have done are tasteful, elaborate and scream, "I'm in the holiday spirit, damnit!" Internet, I know that you are thinking, "Lazy heifer" and I don't disagree but have pity on me. I do not have a husband that will fall off a 20' ladder while trying to adorn the peaks with cascading lights. I don't have a man to nag mercilessly well into March to remove the damn lights.
It's just me.
And two children who cannot seem to make their beds.
And a kitten.
I'm going to make the call and get them over here just as soon as they will come because I can't be THAT house. High school might be 20 15 odd years behind me but peer pressure is still a potent drug.
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