Telemarketers suck

Last night, I was in bed trying to find a way to make beef stew exciting enough to blog about when the phone rang. It was nearly nine.

I answered and a prerecorded message said, "All credit card holders.....blah, blah, lower your interest rates now...just press nine...blah, blah, blah.....as low as 6.9% just press nine right now....blah, blah,blah, did we mention JUST PRESS NINE."

So, I pressed nine and was directed to another soft, robotic voice which assured me that the next available agent would be happy to take care of all of my needs.

Well shoot. Why didn't you say so? I have a laundry list of needs. Where would said agent like me to begin?

-I need someone to drive my ex husband to Siberia.
-I need liposuction.
-I need the kind of sex that makes you forget your name.
-I need a chef.
-I need more time in the day.
-I need my neighbour to close her west window when she cooks curry.
-I need a pedicure and a manicure.
-I need to read more fiction.
-I need for one of my largest customers to get a personality.

Truthfully, I got just the slightest bit annoyed because it was nearly nine in the evening and I'm receiving a sales call. I am on the national "Do Not Call" list so when an agent finally got on (3.5 minutes later) I was perturbed.

"Are yous holdin' for the low rates?" Oh no. You have got to be kidding me. I shouldn't have been surprised because the call was pretty late but still.

(Clearing of throat and then politely) "Actually, no. I'm on the "Do Not Call" list and I was on hold so I could ask you to remove my number from your logs."

No answer. I listened for some heavy breathing because it may have just been that the agent was thinking. Something told me that creative brain activity might be strenuous for this person. Still no sound.

"Hello? Hellooo?"

Then, there was ringing. The agent must have transferred me to someone who would be able to remove me from their call list.

"If you would like to make a call, please hang up and try your call again. This is a recording."

At some point, she had hung up on me! My caller ID showed no data available and *69 didn't work.

I always felt sorry for telemarketers but that's all done. No more sympathy from this gal. No way. Now, they're all just toe jam.