Bad Nerves and Sharp Elbows

Today, I get to see a neurologist. I have always associated neurology with the brain and really horrid ailments like strokes and brain cancer. A neurologist diagnoses and treats disorders of the nervous system. Well, duh! And two numb fingers qualifies me to see Dr.J.

He is going to be doing a nerve conduction test or an electromyograph or both. It didn't sound too bad until I googled them. I think it would have been better if I had shown up blissfully uninformed. The idea of sticking small needles into my arm specifically to send jolts of electricity down an inflamed nerve, well, it kind of makes me want to put my head between my legs and breathe deeply into a paper bag.

The test has been described as "uncomfortable" which I just don't trust. Define uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is sand in the crack of your bum after a day at the beach. Uncomfortable is trying to choke down salty, ketchup-topped meatloaf surprise at your in-laws. Uncomfortable are any shoes except slippers between 2 and 3 pm. I'm hoping that the term "uncomfortable" is not doublespeak for agony. In any case, we will know definitively where the nerve is compressed and then Dr. Sexy Metro Boy will have a plan. Actually, I probably don't need the formality of the test because if you blow a kiss in the general direction of my elbow, little pinpricks of light burst in front of my eyes and I scream, "UNCLE!"

I fully understand that surgery may be in my future and besides the cold, clammy fear of being anaesthetized, I'm just the slightest bit concerned about post op. In 2000, I broke my wrist and had a few pins inserted. As I was coming out of the drug, I was quite vocal (some might say Turrets-like) and apparently, it was hilarious to witness. I didn't have a sensor switch and just belted out whatever thought crossed my mind. This worries me more than the anaesthesia because I've already established that I'm largely incoherent under normal circumstances with Dr.Mc Make My Heart Skip A Beat. Add drugs and the inability to censor one's thoughts...

There needs to be a plan B.