Is it me or is your head on fire?

Yesterday, I met with Dr. Sexy Metro Boy and his perfectly manicured hands, which will be slicing my elbow open next Wednesday morning. I did a bit of research on him over the past couple of weeks and learned that he is the chief of surgery at one of our local hospitals, which makes me feel better because he's likely encountered a nutter or two in his career. My insane ramblings after surgery will probably go completely unnoticed.

We were discussing pain and I asked him how much to expect.

That depends on my tolerance...blah...blah..

Okay, for giggles, let's just say that on a scale of one to ten with active, cold sweat producing, toe curling, transitional labour being an eleven, where would this surgery rank?

Eight.

I see. Can we talk narcotics?

After the visit, I made the mistake of calling my ex husband to let him know the details. The following is an excerpt of the conversation which has been edited because I may have been liberal in my use of the "f" word.

"Hi. My surgery has been scheduled for Wednesday."

"So?"

"So, the kids will need to stay with you Wednesday night and likely Thursday." (slight raise in blood pressure because....)

"No. No way. Wednesday night is the night I spend with my little lady. You did this on purpose. You'll have to call your doctor back and reschedule for another day. I'm not going to take any heat from my woman over this." (and there we have it)

Notice that he used terms like, "my little lady" and "my woman" with a straight face. I think he fancies himself some sort of Clint Eastwood in an old western.
At this point, I removed the phone from my ear fully expecting it to sprout legs and give me a lap dance because something had to be more absurd than the conversation.

"Oh, yes. That should be no problem. I'll just call up the busy surgeon and tell him that the available operating room time is not going to work for YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!! Is your head on fire?"

"You deliberately scheduled it on a Wednesday to try to put a kink in my plans with her."

**sound of crickets**

With that comment, I gently turned off the phone because I felt myself running beside his shock treatment crazy train and wanting to jump on board. Choo! Choo!