Dating in your forties is a minefield. I entered into this process with twenty year old rules firmly planted in my brain and like our education system, it became evident that my assumptions were hopelessly outdated.
Assumption #1: Men only want one thing. Wrong. They certainly are interested in THAT but they're also looking for intelligence, humor, self-sufficiency and (gasp) conversation.
Assumption#2: If he has a tattoo, he's a bad boy with a checkered past and not someone you could bring home to mother. First of all, there aren't many I'd bring home to Mum because it would be like being put under a magnifying glass in the blazing sun. Second, the term "bad boy" is a completely subjective pronouncement and these men have more layers than an onion. Tattoos have received a bad rap.
Assumption#3: Razor blade. Tweezers. Pumice stone. Period. Apparently not. I would like to find the little porn star who took advanced waxing and electrolysis from the daring few and made it mainstream. Then, I would like to beat her until she was unable to say Brazilian.
Assumption#4: People my age waited longer to have their kids. Again, this would not be correct. Seemingly, while I was taking classes and changing majors, my male counterparts were taking vows and changing diapers.
Assumption#5: Chivalry is dead. Oh no, not by a long shot. Principle: bravery-any person who elects to jump into the dating pool after divorce, alimony, division of assets, step-parenting, custody battles and lengthy settlements is either a loon or very courageous. Principle: Gallantry and generousity- men now remember details like the fact that dark chocolate is manna from heaven. They come with little gifts casually mentioned in conversation and bouquets of the most exquisite flowers. They pick up the tab even when they know that you are perfectly able. They use words like "beautiful" and they mean it. Chivalry is alive, kicking and the rule, not the exception.
Perhaps the most erroneous assumption that I have made is that time means the same as it did fifteen years ago. This was such a miscalculation on my part. When you factor your work day, time for the kids, time for normal life chores, time for sleep, time for exercise and time for your extended family and friends, there is precious little left to give to a relationship. So what happens is that the few moments that are spent together are very intense because there is this underlying current that so much ground needs to be covered, quickly.
Wrong there, too.
I suppose exploring relationships at my age is kind of like giving birth. You are encouraged to give a little push to start things off, so you do what you're told and then all of the sudden, the situation is much further along than you had anticipated and holy crap! Someone had better be there to catch that baby before he's dropped on his head!
Pant, pant, pant, pant, EXHALE.
2 comments:
LOL! You. can. do. it!
dude, where you findin these chivalrous men??? Send some south! And thanks for your beautifully articulated comment on my blog yesterday. At times like these, clarity if thought can often only come from the outside.
Post a Comment