The nerve of it all..

I could not drive.
I could not chip.
I could not putt.

My left hand is still in a semi-comatose state and I am beginning to get seriously hacked off. The ring and pinkie fingers feel like your lips do after getting a cavity filled at the dentist. The sensation isn't painful but it's a nuisance and I am not able to get a firm grip on my golf club. I know that I am officially middle aged but just how long should it take for an inflamed muscle to relax enough to let go of the nerve?!!!

The glides were lovely yesterday and after one and a half hours, I was like a limp rag doll but my hand was still numb. I have consumed my weight in water over the last 24 hours but my fingertips feel nothing!

Today, I have resorted to Ben Gay. You would think that if we can put a man on the moon and a complete illiterate into office, the powers that be would be able to make an odorless muscle ointment.

I had my hair done this morning and it was perfect the way it only can be on the day that it is done. Afterward, I am feeling kind of sexy and I sashay into my local Home Depot looking for some new hardware for my bathroom. I meet a few gazes and politely smile. They smile back until they get within a foot of me and then suddenly, their noses wrinkle, they avert their eyes and the moment has gone horribly awry.

Years ago, there was this study done on the nose. As it turns out, when you are exposed to a scent for a sustained period of time (10 minutes or so), your nose will gradually adjust to the smell until it becomes mostly undetectable. From an evolutionary standpoint, you can see how this comes in handy...baby diapers, teenagers, Matthew "A man should smell like a man " McConaughey, chicken farms, Hong Kong sewers, boiled cabbage, etc. The study in question involved a bunch of goats and men (not to be confused with the Falkland war ) and how the scientists came to realize that not only did the odor of the animals become tolerable but it was transferrable (think smoky bar and hair). They came out of the barns smelling like old goats, themselves.

Soooooo, it occured to me (belatedly, of course), that as I was meandering through Home Depot with Eau du Ben Gay wafting from me in unchecked menthol plumes, I was smelling pretty old, too.