Coffee and a Chat

Tonight, I'm throwing caution to the wind and going out on a date. Actually, it's coffee and a chat. I think there is a difference.

I am hoping that this feeling in the pit of my stomach is just the flutterings of nervous anticipation and not some intestinal disorder because my luck seems to run along those lines.

I met this man online through a popular dating service. Look, I know what you are thinking because I've already been down that road and there shall big no big "L" branded on my forehead tomorrow. Apparently, online dating has come into its own and I am hip.

So there.

Okay. The truth is that the whole process feels so unnatural and forced but how else does the late thirty/forty something crowd meet new people. Bars? Not a chance. Besides the risk of being referred to as a coug, I feel a little sad watching my generation dance enthusiastically to the strains of "YMCA" (with the accompanying arm gestures) and "You Shook Me All Night Long". It was one thing to be young, a little tipsy and looking for nothing more than a shag. It's quite another to witness my tribe shaking their ample behinds, a little tipsy and looking for a SPOUSE.

IN A BAR.

So we resort to the world wide web, which has some significant pluses. They make you spend hours filling out questionnaires and personality profiles and from this lunacy, certain facts are discernable.

Is he a smoker or not? I can't have a smoker because I am still too new at the non-smoker thing.

Is he deluded a Republican? I can't relate to Republicans. I look at George "terrah" Bush and Michael "I feel it in my gut" Chertoff and I find myself wondering if they would appear less bizzare if they conducted their press conferences sporting big doobies and dreadlocks. Mon.

Has he ever been married? Any man who reaches the age of 40 something without walking down the aisle at least once has issues:

a)gay
b)unnatural relationship with Mom (close or conflicted)
c)serial killer

In any case, I think it's wise to steer clear.

Besides this pertinent info, a big plus is that the dating profiles come with pictures. People can talk all they want about getting to know a person's soul through meaningful dialogue...blah, blah, blah (and I bet they read these)but there is no polite way to say, "You're fugly". Click on a profile and don't like the shot? Delete. Clean, simple and nobody spends time on a shrink's couch.

I have to admit that I was totally freaked at trying this method. But, since I've clearly established that trolling the local pub is not an option and finding my true love in the produce section of the Piggly Wiggly is soap opera fodder, I'm going to give it a shot.

My son has asked me to find a boyfriend who likes to do guy stuff and who has a ten year old son. My daughter has put her request in for a boyfriend who will buy her a pony.

I'm just happy to meet with someone who wants absolutely nothing from me except coffee and a chat.